You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
