matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
