No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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