all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
