glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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