he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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