i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
