those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
