i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
