Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
