maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's like iHOP with fire
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
