So drunk its hurt
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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