You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
