If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize