I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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