Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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