I want to have your abortion
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
