You just made me feel so damn special
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
