GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
