Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize