I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
