worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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