i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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