one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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