dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
