i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
