I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
