i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Too much gin, very little bucket
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
