Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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