I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
