In the future we'll all be gay
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
