I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
