party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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