he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
