dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
