how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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