i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we made out on top of his cat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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