I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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