Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
