Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
