there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
