Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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