Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
