i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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