I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
