Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
