so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
