what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
