And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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