Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
