What a fucking waste of an outfit
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
