The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
