So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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