Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
