It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
